In the summer of 2107, I was a part of the greatest experience I have ever had in sports. I was an assistant coach and trainer with my eldest son’s lacrosse team at the Ontario championship tournament. We were one of the lowest seeds in the 16 team ‘B’ division, which was a higher calibre than the ‘C’ that we had been used to.

     The team really gelled during that tournament and we advanced through our pool play and the quarterfinals and wound up facing the runaway favourites to win the tournament from Burlington. The only reason Burlington was not playing in the ‘A’ championships was a glitch in the ranking system. They were clearly in a class by themselves.

     While we were clearly outpowered, our boys did what they could very well, our goalie was ridiculously great, and we got some timely scoring from a couple of our talented majors.

     We were well into the third period and we were ahead 4-3. They came at us with everything they had in those final minutes and we just held on for dear life. Trying to score was completely out of our minds, we were just trying to survive in our defensive zone.

     After what seemed like an eternity, the final buzzer sounded, and we had done the unthinkable. Our bench was silent, their bench was silent, the entire crowd was silent in disbelief about what they had just witnessed.

     We went on the win the first ‘B’ championship for a Cornwall lacrosse team in 50 years.

     Going into SURVIVAL mode for a few minutes served us very well in this case. We were clearly overwhelmed and outmatched. Had we tried to match their skill and talent in that third period it would have led to slaughter.

     SURVIVAL mode can be a valuable tool for a short period of time…..when our survival is at stake. As a long-term strategy, it is a nightmare.

     Everybody in that arena knew that had the game gone another few minutes they would have tied it up and likely won shortly thereafter. We were in no position in those last minutes to expand on our lead or even express the talent we did possess. All of our focus and energy went into one thing only – surviving elimination.

     This is a lesson that can be applied to life in general. Hopefully for most of us, we spend extraordinarily little time with our survival actually at stake. We experience this when we have serious physical trauma or a major disease, our job or business is at stake, or perhaps a close relationship is on the brink of collapse.

     The value of SURVIVAL mode is that it buys us some time until we can gather ourselves and take action. Unlike lacrosse games, an arbitrary buzzer doesn’t go off to signal the end of the game in real life. At some point we must figure out the threat in front of us.

     The C-19 situation has clearly created lots of SURVIVAL mode in people. In some it is literally a matter of physical survival. In others it is about financial survival, academic survival, and unfortunately mental and emotional survival.

     The initial response in March for most was to lock everything down – just like our lacrosse defense locked down. Stay home, close your business, stop working. Survival. We were initially told 2 weeks and almost everyone agreed that this was a reasonable trade off.

     Here we are over 10 months later and many in our population are still locked in survival mode. Some by their own choice and others as a result of restrictions placed upon them.

     Regardless as to whether we agree or disagree with what has transpired, it is clear that there have been massive deleterious impacts of this prolonged survival mode. Physical illness, mental illness, loss of education, financial hardships, destroyed relationships and lost opportunities.

     This once in a lifetime situation illustrates what happens when we remain in SURVIVAL mode for extended periods of time. When we are focused in SURVIVE, it is impossible to THRIVE. If we are stuck in SURVIVAL we cannot grow, learn, expand, or create – all the things that make life joyful and full of meaning.

     People just trying not to die, will not do things to create abundant health (have you noticed the C-19 authorities recommending a healthy lifestyle to combat the virus?). A business doing everything it can to keep its’ doors open will not build long term success strategies. A person on the verge of mental/emotional collapse is not focused on building mental health, just not succumbing to a lack of it.

     The key to success in any area of life is to be able to enter survival when appropriate, take the lessons from within it, and then use the pain, fear, and dread to move into thrival.

     When we are able to do this, we can actually use our mortal fear of a virus to create a greater level of health than we had before. We can take the pain of the loss of money or a job or a business to take actions that will make us wealthy. We can develop strategies for increasing our joy and happiness BECAUSE of our mental health crisis.

     The key is adaptability.

     One of my focuses at Nexus throughout the last 10 months has been to help people’s nervous systems to be as adaptable and flexible as possible. To help people to become ‘unstuck’ from the SURVIVAL state of a nervous system locked in fight or flight. To give their physiology a glimpse of rest, relaxation, and ease so that instead of just getting by, they can start to THRIVE.

     Ten months into this thing, ask yourself, ‘where am I THRIVING and where am I just SURVIVING?’

     ‘How can I use this crisis as a catalyst to THRIVAL, both now and in the future?’

In the last article we discovered that by focusing on symptoms instead of health we can actually end up sick, miserable, frustrated and even dead before our time. We also identified the 6 keys to winning the game of life. This week we will continue to explore those keys to a great life.

Key #2 – Being able to do what you enjoy! Having time for leisure and having the ability to choose how we spend our time are crucial to our mental and physical well-being. Active leisure can be divided into 3 categories: social leisure with friends and family, cognitive leisure focusing on mental stimulation, and physical leisure including sports and exercise.

While most people recognize how important these are, the reality is that our leisure time is disappearing. A study demonstrated that Canadians are spending an average of 1.5 hours less on leisure in 2005 compared to 1998.

What was the outcome of this? In 2005…35% of Canadians were overweight, while 24% were obese. 47% of Canadians were considered inactive compared to 23% active! Can you see where this trend will lead? You cannot win the game of life if you are fat and inactive.

Key #3 – Feeling Energized and Passionate! Here is some good news – a whopping 92% of Canadians say they are satisfied or very satisfied with their lives! Yet, according the same source, 1 in 5 Canadians were taking antidepressants in 2004 and suicide rates are at an all-time high.

What makes you energized and passionate? What are you yearning to do but can’t find the time for? Sports, hobbies, family time? What is stopping you?

The problem is in what takes up our time. Over 50% of workers say they often spend 12 hour days on work related duties.  The biggest concern among young workers is not having enough time for both their family AND work responsibilities and 40% of employees work overtime or bring work home EVERY week. The fact is that we are spending more time at work and less time enjoying our lives.

Key #4 – Nurturing and Fulfilling Relationships. Where would you rather spend your time – work or home? Since 1969, family time for a working couple has shrunk by an average of 22 hours per week. 88% of employees say they have a hard time juggling work and life and 64% of family caregivers are employed – most full time.

Do you have balance between work and life? Most don’t – 58% of Canadians report “overload” associated with their many roles. What is the result? Employees who consider most of their days to be stressful were over 3 times more likely to suffer a major depressive episode!

That isn’t all. About half of all workers feel that stress is affecting their interpersonal and sexual relationships. Couples who are stressed have a less active sex life and it is known that low sex marriages have a high probability of separation within 12 months.

It is clear that this lack of balance is a growing concern. Both workers and students rate work-life balance as their top concern and consider it more important than money, career advancement, or location.

In addition, this stress is affecting our physical health which can place even more strain on a relationship. Work stress is more strongly associated with health complaints than any other life stressor. Employees with the highest amounts of workplace stress suffer from over 3 times the rate of cardiovascular problems, over 5 times the rate of colorectal cancer, and up to 3 times the rate of back pain. 81% of people on earth say their jobs are affecting their health and health expenditures are 50% higher for workers with a high level of stress.

This problem has gotten so bad we are getting violent. 14% of people felt like striking a co-worker in the past year, 25% felt like screaming due to job stress, 9% are aware of an assault of violent act in their workplace, 18% had experienced a threat or intimidation in the past year, and 10% said they work in an environment where physical violence has occurred because of job stress. Are these the relationships we want where we spend such a large part of our lives?

This really becomes an issue when we bring it home with us. How is your patience with your children? How about your spouse? How are you dealing with all of the people you interact with such as in stores, at the bank, and on the road? Have you noticed that you have less patience lately?

Why is this important? These stresses are not just a concept. It is real and is damaging to our mental health, relationships and is costing us in the quality and quantity of our years.

If that doesn’t motivate you to get this handled, it is also costing you money. Stress means a loss of work and money. Disability claims have risen significantly and the area of largest increase is in mental/nervous conditions. The cost for our country was an estimated $7.9 billion in 1998 alone and about $6.3 billion was spent by individuals on uninsured services and taking time off work due to depression and distress.

Absenteeism due to stress has increased by over 300% since 1995 and over 50% of work days are stress related.

Perhaps this will motivate us to spend more time on what is truly important in our lives.

Next article we will continue with the final 2 keys to winning the game of life, and introduce the traps that most people fall into that lead to them to failure.